I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
