Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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