She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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