All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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