Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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