Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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