She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
