are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
