I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
