a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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