I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
