accomplished twins. life is a go
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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