I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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