I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
