She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
