You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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