Don't you send me to vm
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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