I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
