Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
