Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
