woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
