im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
