You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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