plz talk dirty to me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
