i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
