The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
