yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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