Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
