so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
