I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
