I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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