I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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