i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
