so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
