i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
