U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
