remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
