And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
