I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
