party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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