Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
