Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
