I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
