you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
