new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
