I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
