i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
