im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
