yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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