i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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