Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
