Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
