I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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